Archive for the Easy Lion Category

Kindest Dr Ashraf….

Posted in Easy Lion on 26/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours


I have never seen myself as a lucky man, but today I have the feeling this is about to change. Why? I have just received an email from Dr Ashraf (the President of the National Nigerian Bank) who is generously offering me the 30% of 30.000.000 pounds just because another person who had an account with his bank recently passed away without leaving a Will or having declared any kin of relations to inherit this sum. As Dr Ashraf has informed me, if this money it ´s not claimed in 5 years, the full amount will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian government. Something that apparently Dr Ashraf is not eager to let happen.
At this point you might be thinking ¨Wow he’s very lucky¨, as well as wondering why on earth did Dr Ashraf chose me and not you. Simple, I happen to share the last name with the deceased gentleman; therefore he wants me to act like a kin relation to him. In order to that I just have to send him my bank details and he will kindly look after all the needed paper work….
I’m not stupid and of course I have heard of all these scam emails offering money and on, but I know this one is real. First of all Dr Ashraf is the President of the National Nigerian Bank (and if it wasn’t real why such an important person would contact me?); second, he knew my email, my last name (how could he if it was a scam…); and finally I’m sure Dr Ashraf has to be a very good man who instead of letting the Nigerian government use it in evil things like create employment, build a few hospitals or even worse feed a few starving children, he wants to share it with me.
Say what you want,  you envious Bastard, but right now I’m going to reply this lovely gentleman thanking him for his consideration, attaching my bank details as well as my parent saving account number so he can advise us of how to use the money.


How probably one of the best Gig this year suddenly turned into the worst nightmare…

Posted in Easy Lion with tags on 18/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

Tuesday 19.45 a quite  Heterogene crowd is waiting to get their free tickets to the Matt Elliott gig.
Judging the comments and faces most people don´t seem to know who Mr. Elliott is. However the fact that the show is free appeals like enough motivation to gather around a fair audience of nearly 200 people, perhaps more.
As I took the precaution to book tickets in advance we were able to get in early and get our seats in the first row a few minutes later the Venue is full.
Every time I go to a concert I always like to look at the equipment on the stage searching for clues that will give me an Idea of the type of show I am going to see: an electric guitar,  a few wind instruments and of course a number of different pedals and little machines that make the whole thing pretty promising…
Soon after, the man is on stage with a shy ¨Buenas noches¨, he thanks the audience for being there and excuse himself for not being able to speak further Spanish.
The Show Starts and the audience is taken by the man from Bristol who is obviously putting his soul in every note. Suddenly he Starts playing with the little pedals and machines, and what Seemed to be a classic folk song of some Slavic remembrances finally flows in an anguishing chaotic Symphony, that Elliott creates while recording what he plays and imposing a new melody to the previously played.
Sitting in the sound table there´s is someone that knows of sound mixing nearly us much as I do of the reproduction of the Swedish termites, that or maybe they gave him a blender instead of a mixer, whatever!. Thing is that due to the sort of Sound that Elliott is developing on the Stage (impeccable) and the incapacity of the technician to channel the sound it all comes out as an Over loud oppressing Noise that is literally bursting the audience eardrums and making some people sick. Consequence: after less than 40 mins of show nearly a 30% of the audience had already left, bitching and complaining about the sound.
What Happened after? Don’t Ask me, I was one of that 30%.
Message to the  ¨Sound Technician¨ maybe you should try sonorizing Weddings  Baptisms or kids birthdays….cause man you Fucking Screwed a Great gig…Asshole.