Archive for February, 2009

Kindest Dr Ashraf….

Posted in Easy Lion on 26/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

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I have never seen myself as a lucky man, but today I have the feeling this is about to change. Why? I have just received an email from Dr Ashraf (the President of the National Nigerian Bank) who is generously offering me the 30% of 30.000.000 pounds just because another person who had an account with his bank recently passed away without leaving a Will or having declared any kin of relations to inherit this sum. As Dr Ashraf has informed me, if this money it ´s not claimed in 5 years, the full amount will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian government. Something that apparently Dr Ashraf is not eager to let happen.
At this point you might be thinking ¨Wow he’s very lucky¨, as well as wondering why on earth did Dr Ashraf chose me and not you. Simple, I happen to share the last name with the deceased gentleman; therefore he wants me to act like a kin relation to him. In order to that I just have to send him my bank details and he will kindly look after all the needed paper work….
I’m not stupid and of course I have heard of all these scam emails offering money and on, but I know this one is real. First of all Dr Ashraf is the President of the National Nigerian Bank (and if it wasn’t real why such an important person would contact me?); second, he knew my email, my last name (how could he if it was a scam…); and finally I’m sure Dr Ashraf has to be a very good man who instead of letting the Nigerian government use it in evil things like create employment, build a few hospitals or even worse feed a few starving children, he wants to share it with me.
Say what you want,  you envious Bastard, but right now I’m going to reply this lovely gentleman thanking him for his consideration, attaching my bank details as well as my parent saving account number so he can advise us of how to use the money.

An Eye for an Eye?

Posted in Easy Bear on 25/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

When I started this blog I sort of said to myself, that I was only going to write about little insignificant things with the only intention of having a laugh, leaving aside ¨important things¨ such as politics. However this morning after performing my daily ritual of Fag, Juice and on line newspaper I was not  able to stick to my word and  basically  that´s why you´re reading this.
23rd of Feb as per what I have read, a Basque citizen with no criminal record, barges into a ¨Herriko Taberna¨(Bar owned and frequented by people that Belongs to the ETA environment) in Lazkao (Basque Village with an estimated population of 6000) and to the surprise of the astonished and petrified people inside the place, smashes  it to pieces  with a hammer, while Shouting “You screwed my house now I´m going to Screw yours¨ ( on the previous day, the house that he was renovating with his father, was seriously damaged by the explosion of an ETA bomb at the social office of the Basque Socialist Party).
Is this a proportional reaction? Is it right to take the weight of justice on your shoulders? Well, it is not on me to judge the legitimacy of his act. My reflection is how desperate and overtaken by a situation has to be a man  to behave in such way, knowing that in a fearful place ruled by the violent and undemocratic intolerance of a minority, the only option he will have if he wants to continue breathing will be no other but leaving  the Basque country (he is already gone) while many of his fellow citizens applaud his action but remain  silenced  scared  of reprisals against them or their families, waiting for he day that the violent finally realizes that yesterday was only one man who Stand up and fought, but tomorrow it could be a whole nation tired of looking to the other side while it´s citizens are getting violently abused.
Maybe when that happens it will already  be too late to seat down and talk….

I´ve seen the Fear….(in the eyes of a waiter)

Posted in Easy Tiger on 23/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

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Even when I have a degree in Art History, I have never been much of an Art Freak, although every now and then I enjoy a nice exhibition or a conversation about the subject I often decline or avoid talking about the topic. My mother particullary hates this and she always gives up  about the fact that she didn´t support my university years to hear affirmations such as;  ¨El Greco paintings¨are very old and very nice ( I often use this adjectives to define any other art-work  I am asked of )

However I must confess, that if there´s  something I love in the Ärt world¨is going to an exhibition opening, it is an absolute delightment to walk around  listening  to  different conversations  proclaiming things like ¨the Artist covered in blood  a  portrait of Disney´s  Nemo  to express the lack of solidarity between the clown-fish in the pacific, as a metaphor of the future that is waiting for the human race or ¨how the Meninas¨from Velazquez are nothing but a  disguised representation of the Venusians that have been advising  the Borbonic Monarchy since instituted

As much as enjoy this, there´s no way  on earth it could be beaten by  the complimentary food and cocktail moment,  in which at the slight sight of the Waiter , the ¨Art connosieurs¨ remove their  culture camouflage and throw themselves to a deadly fight for every single piece of finger food and semi-cheap wine….

Think National Geographic shows the real wild life? forget it, you should  go and take a look at the next opening…..

The Sushi leftovers….

Posted in Easy Tiger on 19/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

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Last night I was supposed to see the Muffs with Sonia, but after our Matt Elliott experience we sort of change our minds and we went for some Sushi. Sonia, who is also a bit of a sybarite and knows pretty well how to enjoy a nice Sushi,  suggested Hanaita, a little Japanese (what else could it be) restaurant with a pretty lame decoration recurring some of the most known  topics of the Japanese culture (Hiroshige Prints, a framed old kimono and some Japanese paper lanterns …). As per the information given by the  surprisingly Spanish waiter (or should I say maitre) the kitchen is run by the only Japanese Master Chef in Europe and even if I don´t quite believe this last part, the restaurant serves one of the best Sushi I ever had, including ¨Bellota Sushi¨ a creation that mixes the Japanese recipe with Serrano Ham one of the most exquisite delicacies of the Spanish cuisine.
After a quick look at the Menu, the choice was simple a mixed Set of Sushi and a mixed set of Maki, as I´m not much of an enologist my drink was a beer and Sonia opted for some white wine that according to her face seemed quite alright. The fish, tender and fresh, was delicious. The only problem the amount, it was way too much for the two of us. So once we finished enjoying the delicatessens prepared by our ¨Master Chef¨ we found out that there was still plenty of Maki left. Therefore my Innocent Suggestion was to kindly ask the Maitre if we could take in a doggy bag our leftovers so I could have them today for lunch. The Maitre´s response, in a tone that didn´t hide a certain outrage feeling, was that they never leave the food out of the restaurant as it could get bad and consequently produce in the customer a certain indisposition and as he literally said -¨no one has come back to this restaurant with a funny Stomach in 20 years¨-
My reflection is simple: we ordered some food, we didn’t finish it (we actually left more that 10 pieces of Maki) and as paying guests (and believe me it was expensive) we had the right to take our leftovers with us and get sick with them if we have to. The situation could actually have burst in an endless argument between us (especially me) defending my right as a customer and the Waiter remarking how the Sushi after a few hours loses his freshness. Luckily or unluckily we were so subjugated by the food that I even felt embarrassed for having asked. Consequently I had a sandwich and a salad for lunch and the Cats of the back of the Restaurant are becoming Gourmets eating ¨Master Chef¨ leftovers of people like me who don’t dare to use their right as customers….

How probably one of the best Gig this year suddenly turned into the worst nightmare…

Posted in Easy Lion with tags on 18/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

Tuesday 19.45 a quite  Heterogene crowd is waiting to get their free tickets to the Matt Elliott gig.
Judging the comments and faces most people don´t seem to know who Mr. Elliott is. However the fact that the show is free appeals like enough motivation to gather around a fair audience of nearly 200 people, perhaps more.
As I took the precaution to book tickets in advance we were able to get in early and get our seats in the first row a few minutes later the Venue is full.
Every time I go to a concert I always like to look at the equipment on the stage searching for clues that will give me an Idea of the type of show I am going to see: an electric guitar,  a few wind instruments and of course a number of different pedals and little machines that make the whole thing pretty promising…
Soon after, the man is on stage with a shy ¨Buenas noches¨, he thanks the audience for being there and excuse himself for not being able to speak further Spanish.
The Show Starts and the audience is taken by the man from Bristol who is obviously putting his soul in every note. Suddenly he Starts playing with the little pedals and machines, and what Seemed to be a classic folk song of some Slavic remembrances finally flows in an anguishing chaotic Symphony, that Elliott creates while recording what he plays and imposing a new melody to the previously played.
Sitting in the sound table there´s is someone that knows of sound mixing nearly us much as I do of the reproduction of the Swedish termites, that or maybe they gave him a blender instead of a mixer, whatever!. Thing is that due to the sort of Sound that Elliott is developing on the Stage (impeccable) and the incapacity of the technician to channel the sound it all comes out as an Over loud oppressing Noise that is literally bursting the audience eardrums and making some people sick. Consequence: after less than 40 mins of show nearly a 30% of the audience had already left, bitching and complaining about the sound.
What Happened after? Don’t Ask me, I was one of that 30%.
Message to the  ¨Sound Technician¨ maybe you should try sonorizing Weddings  Baptisms or kids birthdays….cause man you Fucking Screwed a Great gig…Asshole.

Want Your thoughts Perpetualised? Don´t think your writing Skills Are good Enough?…Who Cares You can Blog…

Posted in Easy Tiger on 05/02/2009 by unsubstainedrumours

As long as you are able to put words together and have a computer, my Friend, the world is at your feet.

No matter if you’re a housewife, whose boggling at the same time as making dinner for your husband and your five kids  ( btw I admire you… I can’t even watch TV and eat at the same time), a pedestrian who is  sick of walking through Streets full of dog crap and wants to complain about it , a want to be Sexologist, a theorist of the conspiration…. Or just someone like me who is aware that most publishing companies have enough toilet paper supplies till 2025, but also  wants his thoughts to  become  a font  of wisdom for  generations to come

Truth is that no matter how poor  our style or our technic is, as long as we have something to say We can be read by absolutely everyone in this world…And that makes us writers without having to wear a corduroy jacket or uncomfortable plastic frame glasses.

Dont Believe me? Just look at the bunch of Crap  You´ve just read…..